The Illusion of the Healing Glow-Up
Healing is often painted as a beautiful transformation, a magnificent rise from the ashes, a radiant glow-up where everything falls into place, and the pain of the past vanishes into the abyss.
But if you’ve ever truly fought to heal, you know this version of the story is a lie.
Healing doesn’t feel like a glow-up. It feels like a demolition.
When Life Falls Apart
This is where I am now.
Recently, I went through a devastating life change. My world of ten years: my hopes, my dreams, my future, my heart, everything I knew, disappeared overnight. Nothing felt real except the deep ache in my soul.
Sadness, at some point, becomes exhausting. Crying no longer brings relief. Avoiding life fuels more anxiety than peace. And the heart still longs for connection. It was in that space, in the depths of loneliness, that I decided it was time to face whatever keeps leading me back to this place.
To do this required unraveling the only life I had known, confronting an identity built on survival, and standing in the wreckage with no certainty of what comes next. But for those healing from trauma, uncertainty and danger are often experienced the same way. The unknown doesn’t feel like possibility … it feels like a threat.
When the Past Resurfaces
There’s a moment in every healing journey when, without warning, it happens. It could be a song, a scent, a passing comment, or nothing you can consciously pinpoint, yet suddenly, you are back in a space from your past. It’s as if all the progress you’ve made, all the experiences your healing self lived, were nothing more than a dream. In that moment, life feels like it’s being lived through the lens of your former self.
I am on the other side of one of these experiences right now. The wound is still fresh.
At first, I didn’t understand why it was happening. All I knew was that my mind and body felt the way they did when I was around people who had traumatized me in the past. But there was no reason … legitimately no real reason … for feeling this way. I wasn’t in danger. I wasn’t in the past. And yet, my body told a different story.
To protect myself, I made a decision I now regret, I withdrew completely from a situation that was actually beneficial for my growth. I pulled away, convinced that I couldn’t trust goodness, that people did not truly value me, and that healing wasn’t working for me.
Thankfully, the situation was resolved. My apology was accepted. Disaster was averted. But the experience left me shaken, forcing me to explore and understand why I was still self-sabotaging. Why was everything I knew as truth and fact yesterday unable to override my fear of a nonexistent danger today?
Understanding the Mind’s Need for Safety
God knew I needed my specific therapist if I was going to stay alive, I truly believe that. Plus, I’ve kept him very busy for 15 years so I have data to support that 🙂 He helped me understand something interesting: the mind craves safety, predictability, and control because trauma strips these things away. When faced with uncertainty, the brain perceives it as a direct threat. Fear takes over, and the survival instincts that once shielded you resurface, making you react as if you are still in the past where they were first needed.
The unknown doesn’t feel like possibility; it feels like danger.
For those, like me, who have spent years dissociating, reconnecting with the body can feel overwhelming and foreign. Somatic experiences: physical sensations tied to trauma- often arise before the mind even registers what is happening. When you’ve lived detached from your body for so long, feeling these sensations can be terrifying. The mind and body instinctively agree to override logic and protect at all costs.
Thankfully, my therapist gives me the guidance and tools to help retrain my system to recognize real danger versus perceived danger. That is what healing looks like for me.
Healing Is Not About Forgetting
Healing doesn’t mean you’ll never feel the weight of your past or return to it. It doesn’t mean you’ll wake up one day and suddenly be “over it.” As I shared, some days will still feel unbearable. Some days, healing won’t feel like progress at all.
But healing isn’t linear. The goal isn’t moving on or forgetting … it’s about learning to understand your fears and casting them free with love.
A Reminder to Carry With You
- The fact that you feel your pain means you’re no longer running from it. That is progress.
- The fact that you recognize old patterns means you’re aware of them. That is growth.
- The fact that you are still here, still trying, still moving forward despite it all that is transformation.
Your Turn to Reflect
Healing is not linear, and it does not always feel like progress. But every moment of awareness, every step you take, is a part of your transformation.
What has been the hardest part of your healing journey? Have you ever felt like you were moving backward, only to later realize you were actually growing?
If you feel safe, I invite you to share your thoughts or experiences. Your story might be exactly what someone else needs to hear today.
You Are Not Failing You Are Healing.